Goodbye to you

somehow it made me sad.

talking to you now, doesn't interest me anymore. AT ALL.

it made me sad cause i adore you.

i really do.

but now that the feeling is gone i think, 

you're the one to be blamed for letting me go just like that.

i still like you y'know, but not the way that i used to.

Facts About Me

3. I'm a crybaby

No one actually knows about me being a crybaby. when I say no one,
I mean no one.
People see me as strong and tough. but im not.
When you want to annoy or irritate me, all you have to do is try.

I may not seem affected at all, I may laugh at your ugly face,
but believe me, I'm crying and cursing inside.
a single word can hurt me. you can crush me inside without even trying.

but no, I wont let anyone see it.

4. I'm a good pretender.

im not used of letting people know how i feel inside.
I build a wall around me, a safe zone.
so i can prevent people of hurting me using my emotion.
experiences thought me that no matter how much people tell you they love you,
at the end of the day, they will hurt you, no matter how.

so i perfected the art of pretense.
rule: do not let anyone see how you really feel.

when you're really happy, pretend you're not.
when you're sad, pretend you're not.

that way. you're safe. but alone. yes that's sad, but its better than be hurt because you let someone in right?

Facts about me:

2. I'm one of the smartest but definitely the laziest student at school :D

Facts About me: 


1. MUSIC

I'm a music junkie. I have a great affection for music. It's an outlet of ones emotion when happy and in love.
it's a way of showing gratitude. a way to show the sincerest emotion.
it is also for me is a cure. a cure for pain, loneliness, unrequitted love, and all.

And when im feeling blue and all, i just take my earphone and blast im feeling good as the music fills inside of me.

last night while lying in my old comfortable pillow i decided I want to blog all about me.
Narcissist as ever huh.
Nah, I just want to list down facts about me, so when someone ask me
"Who are you really?" i'll just answer "go check my blogspot, silly!"

also, since i think i'm developing an alzheimer's its a good way to list it all so when i totally forget it all
i'll just go back to this page to remind me of my old self (that is if i still remember my own email add)

i dont know if what im doing is right...
maybe it is, maybe it's not.
i dont want to think about it for awhile...
it's better for now to just go with the flow,
whatever will be, will be right?

for the time being i think i'll just stick to it.
I'll do it not to harm anyone, but to protect myself,
to protect my heart from focusing on one thing,
and be broken again.

Poppers

I miss you Pops!

i miss him so much! 

>>>0<<<<

yeah that much!

i never thought i would :(

pag bumalik ka rito di na kita pauuwiin.

im gonna adopt you kiddo! haha

argh, im so selfish!

Nerds comforts me :)

thank you for bringing sweetness in my mouth, down to my throat...

somehow it sprinkles some sweetness in my bitter heart :)

Im doing fine. im okey.

i talk. i laugh. i function.

but everytime you cross my mind, 

a thought of you makes me wanna breakdown and cry.

Wonderful pretense

im trying my hardest.

pretending really hard to laugh, 

to be happy.

but hey, you just broke my heart. and what im doing is hard. really hard.

i'm bleeding inside while people wonder why am i wearing a big smile.

why i laugh as if everything is hilariously funny.

oh yeah. no matter how broken i am, i can still do a wonderful charade.

i'll pick up the pieces of me without letting people you know how shattered i am.

It hurts damn much!

Im missing you. you're all i think about :((

Zombie

Apparently you didn't know the status was for you right?
heck, it was for you.
i like you. really really like you but there's no way im gonna show you that nor tell you.

Im gonna lie low for awhile, until there's no way you could hurt me.
until i aint affected with you anymore.

and you're right. im a zombie.
because you are not mine.
and minus you, i will be like a zombie forever. LIFELESS.

Emotionally wrecked

How am I?
totally not fine.
I have this thing in my chest.
something so heavy.
painful and giving my throat a bitter taste.
I'm wreck emotionally.
And alone.
And miserable.

i always thought that I'm good at hiding my feelings,
that my facade can fool everyone.
but now, i certainly doubt it.

i dont know how long can i hold what I have inside.
I choose not to cry, not because i wanted to pretend Im strong,
Im not crying because i know if i start to do so, it'll be nonstop.
and that's the last thing i wanna do.

i need to take a break.
to have some time alone and think how things have gone wrong.

I feel sorry for myself because Im a big coward.
Id rather live in misery forever than confront the problem in front of me and do something about it.

I wish i can fast forward things, and skip all the saddest moments of my life.

:((

i'm sad. there's no point denying it.

i dont usually cry over spilled milk but im doing it right now.

what i hate about regretting is it sucks the life out of me.

people usually think I'm impulsive and imprudent, but I don't see myself as such.

i only do things because i want to save myself from feeling sorry 

for the things i wanna do but haven't done it.

not that im always reckless when it comes in decision making,

ofcourse i think first before i take action,

I was thought, christians were thought to be always mindful of the consequences.

i know i've done a lot of awful things before, but atleast i learned from that wrong decisions,

unlike when i hold back, there's no lesson to learn, only sad thoughts, ifs and buts.

Sadly, this part of my life, i was affected, i was influenced by people around me.

i didnt do a certain thing because i had to consider other things.

and frankly, it made me regret so much because it is given that we cannot take back slipped oppotunities.

ah, regret! it makes me cry at night.

makes me cataleptic at day

makes me crazy and gives me trouble.

and i freakingly hate it!

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, 

it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness 

without expecting them to come back. 

Letting go is not just setting the other person free, 

but it is also setting you free from all bitterness, hatred and anger 

that you keep in your heart. 

Certainly not

Do you miss me?

Maybe you do, maybe you dont.

Do you think about me, even once in a while?

maybe yes, may no.

I wouldn't know the answer, would I?

there's just no way.

it certainly is next to impossible.

and no I wont cry.

there's no way i would cry today or tonight.

not even tomorrow.

maybe the day after tomorrow, or the day after that.

or next week, or next month.

or maybe if im lucky enough, maybe next year.

but one thing is accurate, I wont cry yet.

not yet.

You are beautiful

You are beautiful.

You're oblivious to it but people around you are so much aware

how magnificent you are.

There's just no one can ignore your existence.

Especially me. Every piece of you matters to me.

I keep on thinking, how can anyone be as beautiful as you?

Are you even real?

Are you even human?

Or an angel for me to see what unearthly beauty means?

You dazzle me by your smile.

You take my breath away if you started talking.

and your look, whenever you look at me, it doesnt feel right,

it's like i was hit by a lightning. I cant move. I cant think.

All I can see is your eyes.

Your eyes that speak the inside of you.

it tells me that you are a beautiful soul.

a beautiful dream that can make me leave this chaotic place

and put me into a calm and sweet surrender.

You are beautiful.

as hypnotic as the stars in the sky.

You are beautiful.

calmly beautiful like the blue water in the ocean.

You are beautiful.

like a baby that sleeps in his mother's embrace.

You are beautiful.

like a raindrops in the dessert.

You are beautiful and I have a thousand more

reasons why i found you beautiful

but the finest reason I can give you is...

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Bare Me

Today i decided i don't want to be strong for a while.

I'm letting my guard down just for now.

I am letting all my tears flow.

I am letting it fall. Shamelessly. Proudly.

Today, the shouting that I'm making inside, I'm letting it all out.

as loud as it can, as bold as it is.

Today, I am weak. 

People can tore me all they want.

People can hurt me until they hurt themselves in the process of hurting me.

People can crush me until they cant stand no more.

because today, I am bare.

I am me.

Just me.

Plain me.

Nothing more.

Nothing Less.

unloved

You smiled.

and that was the most breathtakingly smile i have ever seen.

so i smiled back at you, shyly.

and then a tears fell from your eyes.

the most expressive eyes I know.

and I was hurt. I bled inside.

It hurts so much seeing you hurting.

But I can do nothing about it.

Because it was me.

I hurt you.

I hurt you more than anyone can do.

Because you love me.

and that is what I cant give you.

MY HEART

I never had you

In the process of loving you, 

I lost everything.

You took everything of me.

Every piece of me.

Piece by piece everyday.

Until nothing is left.

Until I became empty.

Until me became you.

but the sad thing is...

i never had even a piece of you.

Blogger's block

cant think of anything to write...

it really is hard to write isnt it?

no matter how long you are practicing it... it's still hard to it so...

my heart is filled with so much emotion but my fingers couldn't type the right letters and put it into words so i can create a new blog. ggrrrssshhhh blogger's block? is there such a thing? nah!

i'll come back later... and hopefully, got something to post :)

ciao!

UNCERTAINTY.

is what scares me most.

I m hurting.
Because of what i've read, Im hurting.

Im hurting 'cause I know I am not that girl, Im hurting.

Im hurting... because I miss you.
and missing you hurts so much...

Why does it have to be me that's always hurting?
why does it have to be me? :(

Empty.
Laughing but Empty.
Speaking but Empty.
Everything is Black and white.

I hate it when people tell me what to be and what is not to be done!

Its hard being your friend my love.

Love is You

Are you an impossible wish?

If your past is done, bygone, etc...

cant you make me your future my love?

You're here on my left chest my love,

with or without pocket.
and what's your name my love?

I love You more than ever my loves.

Thank You

No matter how worthless I am,

You accept me and loved me as me,

You touch the inside of me and condoned my flaws.

I am grateful for if not for You

I wouldn’t know how it felt to be loved,

You loved me first and from then on I learned what love means.

Thank You because before I met You, I thought I was happy,
and I was, but I had never known this fulfillment that I am feeling right now.

I used to live aimlessly,

But because of You, now, I am complete.

I maybe worthless to this world,

but you made me see what my worth is.

words may not be enough but still I want to say...
Thank You.

and who says Life is fair? it never is and never will be...

but up there... somewhere.. in the land of promise...

I'll be waiting... where life is fair, wonderful, and unimaginable.

Tired

I dont feel fine today. I feel so down. I feel so alone. and tired. and lonely. and rejected.
No. Ofcourse i didn't mind-setted myself to feel this way. I dont like this kind of feeling. It makes me miserable. it makes me feel so helpless.

I feel like I was placed in a round, dark vessel, I walk and walk and walk. I keep on walking but everything is just the same.
I am going through the same thing everyday. same people, same environment, same work, same scenario, same problem, same Complication, same PAIN.

AND I DONT LIKE THIS.

I dont like feeling helpless.

And I dont know what to do.

Stay? or leave this safe zone just so I could feel free again?

I dont know yet how this thing works...
but im gonna try...
try until this blogsite became a part of my everyday life...

:)