Emotionally wrecked

How am I?
totally not fine.
I have this thing in my chest.
something so heavy.
painful and giving my throat a bitter taste.
I'm wreck emotionally.
And alone.
And miserable.

i always thought that I'm good at hiding my feelings,
that my facade can fool everyone.
but now, i certainly doubt it.

i dont know how long can i hold what I have inside.
I choose not to cry, not because i wanted to pretend Im strong,
Im not crying because i know if i start to do so, it'll be nonstop.
and that's the last thing i wanna do.

i need to take a break.
to have some time alone and think how things have gone wrong.

I feel sorry for myself because Im a big coward.
Id rather live in misery forever than confront the problem in front of me and do something about it.

I wish i can fast forward things, and skip all the saddest moments of my life.

:((