I never thought that today would end up totally not fine.

I don’t know why it was suddenly ruined.

Today was your day and I know you were totally happy,

But a thought of you really happy without me anything to do with it just made me sad.

I’m selfish I know, and I’m sorry.

And I cried so much. 

Again. 

After weeks of pretending tough,

I cried again.

And I prayed. 

I prayed to God to please take away all the love that I have for you.

Because it hurts. 

A lot. 
It burns.

Which is hard because until now I'm not used of this pain.

I didn't pray for you to love me back because 
I do not want to be unfair to you and it just doesn't feel right 
so I prayed to be free from this unrequited love instead.
But a thought of me not loving you anymore hurts as well. 
It’s as if without this feeling,
 there will be a hole inside me. 
But its better I guess, 
having an empty spot inside me is better 
than live with this pain that kills me everyday.

andIloveyoustill.