Im missing you. you're all i think about :((

Zombie

Apparently you didn't know the status was for you right?
heck, it was for you.
i like you. really really like you but there's no way im gonna show you that nor tell you.

Im gonna lie low for awhile, until there's no way you could hurt me.
until i aint affected with you anymore.

and you're right. im a zombie.
because you are not mine.
and minus you, i will be like a zombie forever. LIFELESS.

Emotionally wrecked

How am I?
totally not fine.
I have this thing in my chest.
something so heavy.
painful and giving my throat a bitter taste.
I'm wreck emotionally.
And alone.
And miserable.

i always thought that I'm good at hiding my feelings,
that my facade can fool everyone.
but now, i certainly doubt it.

i dont know how long can i hold what I have inside.
I choose not to cry, not because i wanted to pretend Im strong,
Im not crying because i know if i start to do so, it'll be nonstop.
and that's the last thing i wanna do.

i need to take a break.
to have some time alone and think how things have gone wrong.

I feel sorry for myself because Im a big coward.
Id rather live in misery forever than confront the problem in front of me and do something about it.

I wish i can fast forward things, and skip all the saddest moments of my life.

:((

i'm sad. there's no point denying it.

i dont usually cry over spilled milk but im doing it right now.

what i hate about regretting is it sucks the life out of me.

people usually think I'm impulsive and imprudent, but I don't see myself as such.

i only do things because i want to save myself from feeling sorry 

for the things i wanna do but haven't done it.

not that im always reckless when it comes in decision making,

ofcourse i think first before i take action,

I was thought, christians were thought to be always mindful of the consequences.

i know i've done a lot of awful things before, but atleast i learned from that wrong decisions,

unlike when i hold back, there's no lesson to learn, only sad thoughts, ifs and buts.

Sadly, this part of my life, i was affected, i was influenced by people around me.

i didnt do a certain thing because i had to consider other things.

and frankly, it made me regret so much because it is given that we cannot take back slipped oppotunities.

ah, regret! it makes me cry at night.

makes me cataleptic at day

makes me crazy and gives me trouble.

and i freakingly hate it!

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, 

it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness 

without expecting them to come back. 

Letting go is not just setting the other person free, 

but it is also setting you free from all bitterness, hatred and anger 

that you keep in your heart. 

Certainly not

Do you miss me?

Maybe you do, maybe you dont.

Do you think about me, even once in a while?

maybe yes, may no.

I wouldn't know the answer, would I?

there's just no way.

it certainly is next to impossible.

and no I wont cry.

there's no way i would cry today or tonight.

not even tomorrow.

maybe the day after tomorrow, or the day after that.

or next week, or next month.

or maybe if im lucky enough, maybe next year.

but one thing is accurate, I wont cry yet.

not yet.

You are beautiful

You are beautiful.

You're oblivious to it but people around you are so much aware

how magnificent you are.

There's just no one can ignore your existence.

Especially me. Every piece of you matters to me.

I keep on thinking, how can anyone be as beautiful as you?

Are you even real?

Are you even human?

Or an angel for me to see what unearthly beauty means?

You dazzle me by your smile.

You take my breath away if you started talking.

and your look, whenever you look at me, it doesnt feel right,

it's like i was hit by a lightning. I cant move. I cant think.

All I can see is your eyes.

Your eyes that speak the inside of you.

it tells me that you are a beautiful soul.

a beautiful dream that can make me leave this chaotic place

and put me into a calm and sweet surrender.

You are beautiful.

as hypnotic as the stars in the sky.

You are beautiful.

calmly beautiful like the blue water in the ocean.

You are beautiful.

like a baby that sleeps in his mother's embrace.

You are beautiful.

like a raindrops in the dessert.

You are beautiful and I have a thousand more

reasons why i found you beautiful

but the finest reason I can give you is...

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.