Im doing fine. im okey.

i talk. i laugh. i function.

but everytime you cross my mind, 

a thought of you makes me wanna breakdown and cry.

Wonderful pretense

im trying my hardest.

pretending really hard to laugh, 

to be happy.

but hey, you just broke my heart. and what im doing is hard. really hard.

i'm bleeding inside while people wonder why am i wearing a big smile.

why i laugh as if everything is hilariously funny.

oh yeah. no matter how broken i am, i can still do a wonderful charade.

i'll pick up the pieces of me without letting people you know how shattered i am.

It hurts damn much!

Im missing you. you're all i think about :((

Zombie

Apparently you didn't know the status was for you right?
heck, it was for you.
i like you. really really like you but there's no way im gonna show you that nor tell you.

Im gonna lie low for awhile, until there's no way you could hurt me.
until i aint affected with you anymore.

and you're right. im a zombie.
because you are not mine.
and minus you, i will be like a zombie forever. LIFELESS.

Emotionally wrecked

How am I?
totally not fine.
I have this thing in my chest.
something so heavy.
painful and giving my throat a bitter taste.
I'm wreck emotionally.
And alone.
And miserable.

i always thought that I'm good at hiding my feelings,
that my facade can fool everyone.
but now, i certainly doubt it.

i dont know how long can i hold what I have inside.
I choose not to cry, not because i wanted to pretend Im strong,
Im not crying because i know if i start to do so, it'll be nonstop.
and that's the last thing i wanna do.

i need to take a break.
to have some time alone and think how things have gone wrong.

I feel sorry for myself because Im a big coward.
Id rather live in misery forever than confront the problem in front of me and do something about it.

I wish i can fast forward things, and skip all the saddest moments of my life.

:((

i'm sad. there's no point denying it.

i dont usually cry over spilled milk but im doing it right now.

what i hate about regretting is it sucks the life out of me.

people usually think I'm impulsive and imprudent, but I don't see myself as such.

i only do things because i want to save myself from feeling sorry 

for the things i wanna do but haven't done it.

not that im always reckless when it comes in decision making,

ofcourse i think first before i take action,

I was thought, christians were thought to be always mindful of the consequences.

i know i've done a lot of awful things before, but atleast i learned from that wrong decisions,

unlike when i hold back, there's no lesson to learn, only sad thoughts, ifs and buts.

Sadly, this part of my life, i was affected, i was influenced by people around me.

i didnt do a certain thing because i had to consider other things.

and frankly, it made me regret so much because it is given that we cannot take back slipped oppotunities.

ah, regret! it makes me cry at night.

makes me cataleptic at day

makes me crazy and gives me trouble.

and i freakingly hate it!